How to have a healthy marriage
How has your week been? I don't know if you're watching the Bachelor - but it happens to be one of my guilty pleasures.
I am exhausted from all the drama & emotion (or lack there of at times.) You know what else is exhausting? Marriage. But it's also one of the most life giving relationships when you're doing it right (re: trying to do it right.) On a side note - isn't it interesting how some of the things that can wear you down the most, also give you so much life! Marriage, kiddos, work, passion, being fit, etc... When you want something & you want it to be good & fulfilling, you have to put time & work into it.
My husband, Dylan, & I are going on five years of marriage this May. It is crazy that it feels like a long time & like it was just yesterday all at the same time. We got married during college at the ripe age of 21 & 20, respectively. Getting married young really takes you through some of the most defining years together. Heck we are still in some of the most defining years of our lives. We decided to throw a kid in the mix in 2016 & that will really stretch & mold you as a couple! haha!
It definitely hasn't been all roses & butterflies since day one - but each year I can honestly say I fall more in love with him.
There has been days, maybe even months, when it seems we would make better roommates - politely (or not so politely) getting through the days. BUT there are days, months, & years where we are trying daily to be better people for each other. I wanted to chat about a couple of things that we have learned/ try to implement every single day!
1. Fight fair - I'm just gonna be honest - this is probably where I am the worst! To me "fighting fair" means that you watch what you say when you are in an argument & you don't bring up things that you have long forgiven & vowed to never bring up again. Also, not using words to put each other down. For example, "you're being dumb" probably should not come out of your mouth. While it might seem harmless - you never know how your words will affect the other - and once you get going it only gets worse.
2. Prayer - pray for your marriage & pray with your spouse. This is probably the most important thing you can do for your marriage! Actually there is no probably about it, it IS. Pray for you to be the best wife or husband you can be. Pray that you see your spouse through God's eyes. Pray for areas where you or your husband struggle. Ask your spouse what you can be praying for them about! Pray pray pray. This is so easy to skip - but it's really transformative.
If anyone has questions, about my faith - feel free to email me - I'd love to chat!)
3. Get your vows on your walls! Who even remembers what you vowed on your wedding day?? Those were EXTREMELY important statements you vowed to one another before God - & if i'm being honest, before I got them up on my walls I didn't even remember one thing in Dylan's or mine! That's no good! They are daily reminders of the promises you made for your marriage. I hung mine up in our room!
Let me help you get those on your walls - I offer custom vows on either paper or a canvas in my etsy shop!
4. 5 minute rule - How many of you have great intentions of quality time with your spouse & then both watch netflix or sit on instagram all night? Guilty. Dylan & I recently came up with the 5 minute-a-day rule, which basically you commit to spending uninterrupted quality time with your spouse for at least 5 minutes. No phones, no tv, not kiddos... every day. Kiss (wink, wink), talk, pray, or just sit in silence! Those 5 minutes usually turn into more than 5 minutes & we get in great conversations that we would have usually just skipped & went about our evening.
This may seem silly - like "really Ashlyn, 5 minutes is a silly amount of time." 5 minutes is short enough to commit to every single day - then when you literally only have 5 minutes, you can still enjoy each other. But it forces your to make your marriage a priority everyday - because we all know it can get pushed to the bottom of our to do list.
I challenge you to look at your marriage & see what small thing you can do to improve it TODAY. I am big believer in the little things you work on will turn in to ginormous things.
Are there any specific things you'd like to hear me ramble about regarding marriage or relationships?? Do we think Dylan should do a guest post?! (YES!) Leave me a comment & let me know!!